Pharmacy Humorist Pillows

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'THis probably won't work, but we do have medications that will take care of the side effects.'

"Early Halloween costume?"

Drugs via the internet.

Man: 'Got any super-strength fungus creams?'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"Fill it up, hold the cotton."

Sleeping pills may make you drowsy.

"Do you sell insect-repellent?"

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

Stool Softener

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'