Pharmaceutical Executive Gifts

I won THAT Pulitzer for a drug name.

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

Marketing Spin

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

"Don't forget to take a handful of our complimentary antibiotics on your way out."

'If we can't cure cancer, our hope is to turn it into a long-term profitbale disease.'

"See, son? Daddy's company makes inhalers to help people with asthma."

'This drug is in the experimental stage - the pharmaceutical company is testing the top price to charge for it!'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Placebo Manufacturing Inc.

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'Our new range of products won't make out customers thin, but they will make our wallets fat!'

'Now go out there, and tell all your friends to get some prescriptions filled this week.'

'Sorry, I'd like to help you, but when I lower prices on my drugs, it makes me ill...'

"Our growth in the last year was phenomenal. But then, we are in the steroid business."

"The aspirin deal has given him a headache."

Drug side-effects lose millions.

"All those in favor of adding another 5 billion organisms to our probiotic just for the fun of it..."

"If you raise the price of your drug so much - people will die!"

Market research shows your aspirin TV commercials are giving people headaches.

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

'Is it starve a cold and feed a fever...or feed a cold and starve a fever?'

'We made huge profits from the Bird Flu and the Swiine Flu .. so the boys down in marketing are proposing next year's pandemic ...'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"We're getting reports that doctors are getting burned out from trying to help their 
patients who can't afford their medications, so I've come up with a plan. We'll 
market a new drug to help with physician burnout!"

Opioid Profits

"We could market them as anti-aging drugs."

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

"This is our newest drug. It's currently undergoing rigorous testing to see how much we can charge."

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

What do you mean, 'miracle drug'? It's made an enormous profit for us!