Pharmaceutical Detective Pillows

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

Disease Management

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Covid Music

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

'How could it have been rough for you back in Pharmacy school, Dad? You only had penicillin and aspirin.'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

Science and Coronavirus

Centers for Disease Control. Staff Picks. Jean. Rob. Carly. Ed. Sonia. Kim.

Lyme Disease Research Lab

AEDES: Serial Killer - Zika, Dengue, Fiebre Amarilla, Chikungunya.

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

Flu Vaccine.

R. Gillespie, M.D., specialist in whatever disease is hot at the moment.

"Why ‘Black Death’? Why not ‘Furry Death’?"

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

New Ebola deaths in Sierra Leone

'I had this two years ago.'

Biomedical Conference. To incentivize advances in medical science, more cures and fewer diseases should be named after people.

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

Criminal Germs

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'The first test was false-positive, the second test was false-negative. What are you trying to pull?'

John Snow

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'