Pew Humorist Pillows

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Cats at private view

Dogs life

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Clown walks balloon dog

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

Magic Act

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"