Petunia Enthusiast T-Shirts

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

"We just haven't been flapping them hard enough."

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

Polar bear bowling alley

Warning, ski season abruptly ends here.

"All right, boys, we're had our fun."

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"We needn't have a fancy home, just a place to rest when we no longer roam."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"Wow, I just love the way you waddle!"

"Honestly, sweetheart, you're not like the others I've been out with."

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Camping-Pong

'What will we do when the ice melts?'

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

'When I was a Scout, we had to blaze trails without sticky notes.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Down a the lab - Germs "So what will you do when you grow up?" "Oh the usual...divide,multiply,infect,kill.."

How to win friends and Influenza People.