Petty Victory Seeker T-Shirts

"Then – zap – I cut in front of him, and got to the red light 25-30 feet ahead of him."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

Boom

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

First past the post.

'I win!'

Perks

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Write your acceptance speech before winning the award."

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

'I'm working off Saturday's sundae.'

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"But seriously, medal of honor from the Academy of Sciences aside, who are you?"

'Whoever said 'taking part is better than winning' was certainly a loser...'

"Can't they compromise and sell candy apples?"

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

F1 drivers saluting a checkered flag

"If a bowl of ice cream isn't the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

"I don't know my numbers yet, but I do know the alphabet. So when I get to 'J' I'll come looking for you."

'I can't understand why I don't lose weight.. I walk five miles a day.'

"I started with nowt and I've still got it."

Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!

Fisherman with tiny catch

He was fast, but weak, and once again it would cost him the victory.

Rival Jockeys

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."