Petty Victory Seeker T-Shirts

"Then – zap – I cut in front of him, and got to the red light 25-30 feet ahead of him."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Boom

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

First past the post.

'I win!'

Perks

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

"Write your acceptance speech before winning the award."

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

'I'm working off Saturday's sundae.'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"But seriously, medal of honor from the Academy of Sciences aside, who are you?"

'Whoever said 'taking part is better than winning' was certainly a loser...'

"Can't they compromise and sell candy apples?"

F1 drivers saluting a checkered flag

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

"If a bowl of ice cream isn't the answer, you're asking the wrong question."

"I started with nowt and I've still got it."

"I don't know my numbers yet, but I do know the alphabet. So when I get to 'J' I'll come looking for you."

Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!

'I can't understand why I don't lose weight.. I walk five miles a day.'

"Oh, Jeez! A pube in my tea! How the heck did that get there?"

Look sharp, women! We're shooting video of our game. I hope it shows our huge victory! Goose! It's for seniors to send to college hockey recruiters. So? It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game!

Fisherman with tiny catch

Rival Jockeys

"It's the spirit of the game that matters... We bat... we bowl... they lose."