Pettastic Doctor Pillows

"That's Doctor Good Boy to you."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

"It's cooties."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

Sewing for Dummies.

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Tipping Permitted.

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"I'll swop you my liver for one of your kidneys."

'He's running a high fever.'

We use high frequency sound to get rid of kidney stones.