Pet Vanity Aficionados T-Shirts

"I just got back from the groomer. Jealous?"

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 3- Street Lamps Lighting a Lady's Toilet Mirror

Man admiring his patterned clothes in the mirror

'Mommy puts on a disguise every time, before she goes to work.'

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

Dog Jogger

'I know how you feel.'

Extreme Vanity Press - Fall, 2007

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

'I'm afraid to ask.'

"Okay, I admit it. You are a good dog."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

Tanning Machine on the beach

Stars Without Make-Up.

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

"Of course I hear it when you say 'come'. I just choose to ignore it."

"I started plucking my eyebrows, and I couldn't stop..."

"Oh, it's nice, but it's not palazzo living."

Cat turning telly off with remote.

'Oh, come on. . . you can't tell me Dasher hasn't had antler enhancement surgery!'

I'm the gorilla's nuts... I'm the dog's bo****ks... He's never been good at hiding his light under a bushel.

Vanity Ward - 'Cosmetic surgery.'

Trophy dog stick

"I'm not actually 40 this year but that's the birthday I celebrate every year."

"Whenever I go for a walk I accessorize. I call it bling with a purpose."

'Now THAT'S what I call a makeover!'

The Unsportables: Shot Put

'I'd love to take a bath in milk. . . No, up to my neck.'

'Celebrity autobiography editing'

Maude loved doggy fashion.

'Make-Up'

PlayDog.

'...This new cushion would go perfect with your shedding.'

"Let's see... I think we'll ignore our food, lick ourselves, then knock these flowers onto the floor."