Pet Psychology Curious Gifts

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

Dog phrenology

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Actually I never loved you."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

"He's sending an instant message."

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."