Pet Parenting Guru Pillows

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'Don't worry about being lost: If you're microchipped, they'll find your home...'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Quick, start the car!"

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"I think therefore I am." "Bow Wow, Bow Wow, Bow Wow."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"He was a very good boy."

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

Cat Nip.

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"