Pet Parenting Dilemmatician Pillows

"These are the care instructions. And if things don't work out, there's a recipe on the back."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'I've got it written down...'

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

A child and his dog

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"What's worse, that or this?"

They couldn't put their paw on it, but something about today seemed different...

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"Choose wisely. Your choice will be the answers to security questions for the rest of your life."

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."

'Stressed out dogs relax through Yoga.'

"Eat grass 'til you puke, then call me in the morning."

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."

'We really should get him chipped.'

'The good news is that you don't have apnea. The bad news is that Fluffy sleeps on your face.'

'Just jam one of these capsules as far down his throat as you can... WHEN you can... and IF you can.'

'TB or not TB, that is the question.'

'I'm declawed, but I found an app that'll scratch up the furniture for me.'

"I bark, therefore I am."