Pet Parenting Dilemmatician Gifts

"These are the care instructions. And if things don't work out, there's a recipe on the back."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

Witch: 'I've mellowed. Instead of black, do you have a gray cat?'

'I've got it written down...'

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

A child and his dog

"What's worse, that or this?"

They couldn't put their paw on it, but something about today seemed different...

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"I know they're treating you kindly but are they treating you ethically?"

"Choose wisely. Your choice will be the answers to security questions for the rest of your life."

'Stressed out dogs relax through Yoga.'

"Buck up, go home and be nice to the new kitty."

'I'm trying to make restitution for shredding the sofa.'

'We really should get him chipped.'

"Eat grass 'til you puke, then call me in the morning."

"Mrs. Tibbles, the vet will see you now."

'The good news is that you don't have apnea. The bad news is that Fluffy sleeps on your face.'

'Just jam one of these capsules as far down his throat as you can... WHEN you can... and IF you can.'

"I bark, therefore I am."

'I'm declawed, but I found an app that'll scratch up the furniture for me.'

I assume obedience class was a washout then.