Pet Parenthood Ponderer Pillows

"There's no such thing as a free cat."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Hm-m-m - it sleeps most of the time. I think it must be some kind of cat.'

"I'm getting so old I don't remember where I buried my bone..."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

'Mom says she has a souffl

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"I see so much love reflected back in his adorable little face."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

Pet Adoptions

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Three Parent Baby

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."