Future Parent Ponderer Pillows

'It was only a matter of time!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Baby, baby maker

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

In the club.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Biological Alarm Clock.

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

'I'm on the way!'

Three Parent Baby

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

"It gets easier the second time."

'First, let's see him program a DVD recorder.'

'Your biological clock is on daylight savings.'