Pet Paradise Planner Gifts

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"I was almost that last year."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Christmas Pets

"Cat park"

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'What does he mean, we're not on the list?'

'Are you here, Alfred?'

Too cute for comfort.

'Halloween. Why should cats have all the fun?'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"Every day I'd sit at my desk and picture myself on a beach in Hawaii. So now that I'm here it just reminds me of the office."

"The brochure said escape to Tahiti, so here I am."

"I wish we hadn't voted for this now"

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

'Well, we'd better call my mother and see if it's okay to leave him....

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

Family looking to buy a dog.

'Outside, they let me off the leash only to fetch the paper. It's sort of a work-release program.'