Pet Pals Aficionado Gifts

'Instead of teaching me useless tricks like rolling over and fetching, how about teaching me to ride that motorcycle of yours?'

Bitchbark Canoe

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"Pick me!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

Canine Companion

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Welcome to the Team

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

" 'Grrr' is not a word."

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'It's normal, don't worry, people on the street just love patting puppies...'

'What was all that swerving at the cat walk?'

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

"He's already getting attached to you."

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I don't know about you, but it always makes me feel kinda special."

Love Conquers All

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"I could catch a bicyclist, well maybe not a bicyclist, but I could catch a jogger, definitely."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

Pets.

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

Author's Bio-diversity.