Pet-owning Colleague Pillows

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Don't even think about it."

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Christmas Pets

'Out, damned Spot.'

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"Humans are strange."

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

Snooze buttons for cat owners

Chasebook

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

Separation

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Bureau of the Damned

"Cat park"

Examination.

Dog Day Afternoon

But it's the other leg that hurts.