Pet-less Life Enthusiast Gifts

'I told you we weren't pet people.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"I see a couch."

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

'His Dad was a couch potato.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

Go Veggie...

"My new boyfriend is free range!"

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

"Ey up, guys! Here comes the slaughter mower - everyone Duck!"

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"It's actually a nice change. Before Eddie's business failed we were living in a gilded cage."

Real estate: 'Sure, it's a long commute, but the price is right!'

Birthday Suit Alterations

'I just feel so guilty if they don't get off the leash at least once a week.'

Man has a can of tuna in his fishbowl.

'You mean a vegan isn't the same thing as a witch?'

"I'm all for the quiet life but she keeps rattling on all day long."

"I like a little insurance that he won't take breaks during his run. I'll give him a few seconds before I release the dogs."

"I warned him not to go vegan."

"I thought we agreed on Meatless Mondays."

'Can we talk, Lola?'

2010 festival guide - get stoned, come home.

'The next time I get involved it's going to be with a meat and potatoes kind of guy.'

I've Always Envied Cats

'You promise me they're animatronic?'

"Great news, guys! I finally got us that nudist colony account!!"