Pet Language Decoder Pillows

'Polly's certainly picked up some new phrases since Ernest started working from home.'

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

Dog Training.

Dogs texting each other emojis

I have an idea for a new app: It'll tell you what your dog is thinking. What? How? Through a sensor planted in the dog's collar. Every time it barks, whines or sighs, the sensor will beam an English translation to your phone. It'll either say "feed me," "walk me," "I need to potty," or "leave me alone," or a random combination of those. That sounds like the most useless app ever. It'll also shout "I'm running!" when the dog is running.

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

English Pointers giving pointers.

"Our researchers have discovered that 'E' is the most common, and only, letter in the dolphin alphabet."

"I'm sorry I ever taught him to speak"

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"I can actually hear you thinking about food."

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

"How are we supposed to know what's bothering him when we don't speak bark?"

'Up until now I thought all your questions were rhetorical.'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

'Pet, we've got to talk.'

'Daddy says 'meow'.'

Say bananas. Why? Just say it. Are you chicken? Oh, fine. Bananas. Pets understand more than we think. Can't … breathe …

"I have to go out for a few hours, and don't give me any attitude about it."

Prince longed for the good old days when dogs were dogs.

Marooned Optometrist

"Theo, conversation is about talking and listening!"

Dog dictionary/Dog Alphabet.

"You should only believe half of what I tell you."

'I demand a second opinion!'

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

'Your voice says 'no' but your tail says 'yes'.'