Pet Friendship Advocate Pillows

How about I meet you back at the house.

Bitchbark Canoe

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

'Remember me?'

"Don't even think about it."

PET THEORIES

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

Pet Entertainers

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"What's all this?"

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

"I'm no expert but I think global worming would be a good thing."

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

'Who handles your media, Rex?'

"He wants a second opinion."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

Animal Actors

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"Let's take it easy for the first two miles."