Pet Etiquette Analyst T-Shirts

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Rats."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"Eddie, you are one hell of a mouse!"

'That's what I wanted to ask you about.'

"You say: It's nothing more than jealousy inspired backstabbing. I say: It's the fourth report of butt-sniffing I've had this week."

Preschools for Dogs

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

'George, kitty got tired of waiting for us to let her in.'

Dog with long tongue out car window.

"The barking ... it has to stop."

The Snowman and the Snowdog.

My Day - Dog magazine

"Do not look at the crumbs—you're so close... If this gets ugly, only use closed paws, no scratching."

'I couldn't sleep last night. . . then I realized I forgot to turn around in a circle three times before I went to bed. . .'

Dog with enormous stick.

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

Fido's begging days were over.

Pushkins was having one of those dog days.

'Our cat doesn't do any tricks, but he's pretty tricky.'