Pet Cremation Philosopher Pillows

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Biofelineism

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Yeah but when will she be home?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

"You need a hobby."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."