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Passover flatness.

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Santa Claus's Mail

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Babies.

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

Praying for a goal assist.

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

Remain calm, we need to talk. We don't want to alarm you. Run for your life! Oh boy. The economic news is not good. It's apocalyptic. We both lived through the depression. More like barely survived. We're seeing parallels -- lack of government investment, no-tax policies ... Fire, disease, bad cellphone coverage ... You're enjoying this too much. you said I could. Spend cautiously, Rudy. Have a back-up plan. Sell your gadgets, buy canned goods. Oh boy.

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

"Have you made any retirement plans?"

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

"Where does it say anything about an age limit?"

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"...For new year, I'm going to stop watching so much sport..."

Easter Bunny HQ. United States. If all these states can move up their primaries, why can't I move Easter ahead of Valentine's Day?!

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'