Personality Quirks Gifts

Restaurant resreved tables 'Reserved' 'Outgoing'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Real Estate Personals

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Bald man with a brush on his head

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"We quantum physicists put a little extra bounce in our step, and hey, you never know!"

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

Monster Club. It's difficult to get this entire group to a ball game. Yeah, Dracula will go only on bat day. King Kong has to be in the upper deck. Jekyll and Hyde only go to double-headers. There must be a full moon for the werewolf to go. And of course The Hulk will only sit atop the Fenway Park left field wall. Yeah, he loves the green monster! Red Sox.

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

Market. Cheeses. Trouble in the case, Ernie? Yeah, four of the cheeses are disliked by the others. The bleu cheese is always depressed and ruins any fun they try to have. The limburger is condescending - it thinks "sharpest" means "smartest." The low-fat cheese won't stop bragging about being the most fit and attractive. And there's a problem with the Swiss too? Yeah, it has a holier-than-thou attitude.

Ask Sadie. Sadie, I have a temper. Whenever someone defies me, I get angry. Please advise. - Hot Temper. *Actual reader questions. You're right you have a problem. Don't get angry when someone defies you. Get angry even when they agree with you! Where do readers come up with this nonsense? Get taunting advice at asksadieshow@gmail.com

We have a lot in common. I'm free range and he's off the leash.

'What kind of person are you?! Answer this yes or no question and you'll find out. . . Have you ever dropped food on the floor and went ahead and served it to guests?'

"That's quite a set of cow horns you've got there."

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

'You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a little different.'

Conclusions Drawn: Still lives at home with Mom and Dad.

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.

'This is coming from someone who drinks from a toilet bowl.'

Security Questions

"Well, there are cat people and dog people and..."