Personality Quirks Gifts

Restaurant resreved tables 'Reserved' 'Outgoing'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"I have spirit, yes I do. I have spirit, how 'bout you?"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

Real Estate Personals

Bald man with a brush on his head

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"Nah. I'm a crow. Some jerk put bleach in the birdbath."

"We're not all grim you know - I'm a happy reaper."

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

"We quantum physicists put a little extra bounce in our step, and hey, you never know!"

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"Let me help you in your effort ti think INSIDE the box once again."

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

We have a lot in common. I'm free range and he's off the leash.

'What kind of person are you?! Answer this yes or no question and you'll find out. . . Have you ever dropped food on the floor and went ahead and served it to guests?'

"That's quite a set of cow horns you've got there."

'In case I forget it, I've had my name tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.'

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

'You'll have to excuse my brother. He's a little different.'

Conclusions Drawn: Still lives at home with Mom and Dad.

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.

The Odd Duck

"Of course I won. I was already a winner. I didn't even have to run the race."

'All of your issues are prickly issues.'