Personality Critique Lover Pillows

Pre-Existing Conditions

"I know. But I think I can change him."

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

"It all began when I was a boy. The aroma of freshly baked bread was everywhere, choking me with it's calm, soothing and nutritious lies..."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

Transactional Analysis... Making complex ideas simple!

"Come on, Doc, one of us has to relax,"

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

Nutty Assistants

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

When psychiatry works too well!

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"I hoped you'd like the size of it."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

How do they know me so well?

"You're a very complex carbohydrate."

Fake Diplomas

He claims to be a Freudian, but he's Jung at heart.'

Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Hosni Mubarak blinks

"Me Tarzan, you Jane, who he?"

'My mind keeps wandering into restricted areas.'

"Sorry -- I wasn't listening to what you were saying. I was too busy leading."

Relationship problems.

A man smoking a post-coital cigarette sees a woman leaving a note in a suggestions box.

"Well, the x-rays show you have a little arthritis in your hands, but mostly they're just poorly drawn."