Personal Struggles Gifts

'Cheer up, Lenny -- We all have our bad decades.'

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Eldrow

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"We don't talk anymore."

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

"I told you, if you're looking for a road map for your life, that's all you're gonna get."

Wanna talk about it?

Prawn Amend

When life gives you lemons...

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'No trouble at all giving you an overdraft Mr Simkins - have mine!'

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"See how controlling he is?!"

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

Unmanned drones.

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

'I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're going to get to relive the thrill of building your company up from nothing!'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."