Perplexed Perkster Gifts

"I was told when I got this job I'd have access to the gym, by nobody remembers where it is."

The New Normal

Perks

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

'We don't have a health plan, but we have a very nice cemetery right out in the churchyard.'

Welcome to the Ask Sadie Show, Christmas-Eve eve edition. First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole. You're on, Rudolph. What's your problem?! ... And before you speak, let me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem. Click. I will ruin you, "Rudolph"!

'Never forget that the best things in life are freebies.'

"It's come to my attention that one of you hasn't taken advantage of the company's free gym membership."

'I know I just started working here, but is there any way I could get a company car, a membership to a country club and use of the corporate jet? This would greatly enhance my performance in the mail room.'

'I don't know anything about art and I don't know what I like.'

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

'Oh look, John, it's Chirpie who's been firing darts at the cat - and all this time we thought it was the children.'

'Why, there isn't even a company folder for 'Perks'!'

"...and, as well as your salary, you will be eligible for company transport - a pair of our latest running shoes."

"I'm so relieved new ideas have come up. I couldn't make heard or tail of string theory."

'This is a great place to work...They give you a day off every time you get married!'

''Free as a bird': Yeah right!'

When your password asks for more characters, it doesn't mean your friends.

"When I saw you scratch yourself in my algebra class, I thought, 'Now is a good time for a quiz'."

"I'd leave this job, but I haven't found another company with a cotton candy machine."

Reader's Block

"In the beginning was the Worldle..."

The company vehicle

'Amazing, isn't it? It's like she doesn't understand what I'm telling her.'

"You're lucky this job became available, our firm has an unusually low staff turnover."

"Some of us negotiate our contracts better than others."

'As Employee of the Month you get to be first on the elevator.'

'As a sweetner, outside investors in our property syndicate will be allowed in to use the bathroom.'

"Recruitment is a nightmare...We need to focus on the advantages of working here!"

"No, I don't see any reason why our deal should include a new sailboat for our interpreter."