Perpetual Griper Pillows

'I don't have any specific complaints -- could I just stand here and moan a little?'

"I'm feeling somewhat optimistic. Let's get perennials."

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

'Insomniacs anonymous.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Sometimes Doris wished that Charlie hadn't stayed so young at heart

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

"I'm sorry I didn't find your wallet but I found six pairs of reading glasses!"

"C'mon, I can't be expected to Carpe EVERY Diem."

'I'm 68 years old. I keep waiting to be an adult. How do you know when you're an adult.' 'When snow ceases to be fun!'

Vine-Gripened Tomatoes

Procrastinator's Leap

"Christ! How much further is it to the next rest stop!?!"

'Actually, we're looking for someone who's willing to start at the bottom and stay there.'

'Clyde was a late bloomer.'

A great day starts when you weigh 2lbs. less than you thought you would.

"Is this what the P.M. meant when he said they were united?"

'My Terry's like a big kid. He's probably playing arcade games somewhere.'

"I only subscribe to complain about the cartoons."

Manchild Crossing

Permanently Offended By Something

The Sick Man of Europe

Human Cull: People in the supermarket who stop and chat with their carts blocking the aisle.

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"

Workaholic on the beach 2

"At this point, I'm just complaining on fumes."

"So where do you think your son has picked up being easily distracted?"