Performing Pinniped Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Of course, what I'd really like to do is direct."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

The Costumer Is Always Right

Tenors

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Why do you always have to make a spectacle of yourself.'

'Son I want you to Follow in My Footsteps.'

"Yikes. I'm on in five minutes and still haven't figured out my character's motivation."

Can Can

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

"Hey, you've fixed the telly too!"

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Music has doubled my income..."

Armless chainsaw juggler.

"That is today's special, sir, Spanish lobster flamenco."

"No, see...it's more like this...now that's funny!"

'That's the best advice you got? There's no business like show business?'

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

"Must be the life to work in a castle. You get paid by a rich king and you don’t have to go through every shift smelling elephant butt."

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

The Kink and I

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

Pianist takes his bow whilst the singer carries on singing.

Red Letter Days - A First Night

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

Man with two pairs of glasses.

"Okay. . . Where DID the elephant go?. . ."

ACcountants Lunch

'High school for actors - John Smith - Acting principal'