Performing Pinniped Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Of course, what I'd really like to do is direct."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Marcel Marceau's parrot

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

The Costumer Is Always Right

Tenors

"Yikes. I'm on in five minutes and still haven't figured out my character's motivation."

Can Can

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'Why do you always have to make a spectacle of yourself.'

'Son I want you to Follow in My Footsteps.'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Hey, you've fixed the telly too!"

"Music has doubled my income..."

Armless chainsaw juggler.

"That is today's special, sir, Spanish lobster flamenco."

The play was soo much fun! You were great, Sally! Do I know you? I was your #3 attendant in scene 2. Attendants are seen and not heard. Are you going into the theater, Twig? Yes. I'm going to write plays where the pretty girls get it. Ah, revenge! The wellspring of great art.

The Kink and I

"It might be a better trick if you didn't use see-through glass"

'That's the best advice you got? There's no business like show business?'

'An optician was having a closing down sale...I got the last pair!'

"Must be the life to work in a castle. You get paid by a rich king and you don’t have to go through every shift smelling elephant butt."

Pianist takes his bow whilst the singer carries on singing.

"No, see...it's more like this...now that's funny!"

"The card you are thinking of is... the fifth of Jacks!"

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Red Letter Days - A First Night

'I'm just a struggling actor. Your insurance policy doesn't cover a real doctor.'

Man with two pairs of glasses.

"I have fun all day at work. It's the last thing I want to do when I get home."

"Okay. . . Where DID the elephant go?. . ."