Performing Arts Debut Gifts

Grand Piano

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Just be yourself."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Cimafunk

Guitarist

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Extreme miming"

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

A Guide to Balloon Animals

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

Comedy Cafe

Stand-up Romcom

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

Taking a peek at the audience

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

Piano Recital

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."