Performance Parenting Pro Gifts

Parents compare buggies

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"That is one absorbent nappy."