Performance Artistry T-Shirts

How's My Diving?

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Showbiz Awards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Guitarist

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

A Guide to Balloon Animals

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Extreme miming"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Comedy Cafe

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

Stand-up Romcom

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Taking a peek at the audience

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Little Buttercup HMS Pinafore

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Bravo!"

Piano Recital