Percussive Maintenance Enthusiast Pillows

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

Triangle

I love my Timpani

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

Chano Pozo,

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

"Would you mind doing that in the other room?"

Pet Cemetery.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Lazy plumber.

'Either play faster or get out the band.'

When did you last have your oil changed?

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Whack a Marimba

Music Shop Percussion. I don't know if I should get a snare, kettle, bass or bongos. That's a conundrum!

"I can practice a different song."

'It's a Marimba!'

Musician hurts his nose.

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

Person playing the cymbals.

'You think you can purr your way out of anything, don't you?'

'Sometimes I think I spoil you Tiddles!'

"Don't worry I removed the instructions."

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

An orchestra cymbalist is tempted by a fly.

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Learn how to identify the parts of a drum kit

'With Stu Fleming on bass, Vinny DeAngelo on drums, Kyle Zimmerman on lead guitar, and Kevin Phipps, our least gifted musician, on tambourine.'

Salad Bowl Drum

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

Pole Dancing Every Night: 'It's one of the perks of being a weights and measures inspector.'

As he turned 40 Stuart realised mental flossing had become part of his routine.

Cat DNA is decoded.

Cymbal Player's Music Book