High Maintenance Enthusiast Pillows

"She shopped, but she never dropped."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Lazy plumber.

Man with jumper reading 'Caution - Contents under pressure'.

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

When did you last have your oil changed?

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

'May I have a glass of Perrier with a twist of lemon and a straw?'

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

"Remember when I told you rust might become a problem in the future?"

DIY store.

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"No, your laptop turning red isn't a new, cool feature. It's red because it's hot. When is the last time you cleaned it?"

"Err... Excuse me Sir, you've forgotten the user manual for your super mini mobile."

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'I don't know how I got rid of mildew before Henry got me the flamethrower.'

'I retired from work but housework has not retired from me.'

Master Plumber

"Dad...face it...you need to buy a new car."

"Just principal will suffice, Ed."