Percent Perfectionist Pillows

"If you had $1,000, and I asked you for a loan of $23.47, what percent of your original money would you left?"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Perfection

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

"You're welcome."

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

"Page 33, line 4..."

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

'Let's practice lobs again.'

"I never go anywhere unprepared!"

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

'He was taller online!'

"Come on, we're late. Your crosshatching looks fine."

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

Mount Everest.

'I saw your profile on Linksin.'