Percent Perfectionist Pillows

"If you had $1,000, and I asked you for a loan of $23.47, what percent of your original money would you left?"

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Bullseye!

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

"You're welcome."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

Santa's Out Tray.

A tailor measuring a jacket.

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

"Page 33, line 4..."

Wanting his picnic with Gwen to be perfect, Hal made sure they would not be bothered by ants.

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

Woman trying to straighten a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

"I never go anywhere unprepared!"

'He was taller online!'

'Let's practice lobs again.'

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

"Come on, we're late. Your crosshatching looks fine."

Cull people who talk and text during a concert you've paid good money to see.

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

Mount Everest.