Pension Plan Humorist Pillows

Happy Retirement

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Budget reaction.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

'Says here that you broke your tooth while eating a human. Sorry sir, but accidents that happen during 'food-for-fun' are not covered under your dental plan.'

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

CITY CLINIC, 'What do we do in a case like this? -- He's sick because he swallowed his insurance card.'

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

'The best part - it has health coverage.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

Bear Market

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'