Pension Penny Counter Pillows

'Your husband was a model employee. Not only did he work hard and fast, but he died three days after he retired so that the company saved on his pension payments.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'What can you get with a quarter?'

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

World's cheapest car

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

Handled all of my own investments

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'