Penny Stock Speculator T-Shirts

'A real penny stock customer'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

Wall Street Down

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

Low-Rent Stockholders

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

Stock Market - "I suggest you buy Acme Chemicals."

Finance Director killed by falling profits

Aggressive investing.

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

The tumbling dice...

Man hugging bag of money, falling down a hole.

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

Boris Johnson and the Stock Market

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"