Penny Stock Player T-Shirts

'Here at First Infidelity we've always been forward thinking investors. We've invested in penny stocks before they were penny stocks.'

Financial Terrorist Bernard Madoff.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Money down the drain.

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"Mother, I sold the cow for some financial derivatives."

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

"Geez. That's not a good sign."

I used the wrong investment group.

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

Low-Rent Stockholders

'Should I buy or sell?'

"And the Haves, you might say, are divided into the Gives and Give Nots."

Aggressive investing.

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just picking up the pieces after a traumatic investment."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

Boris Johnson and the Stock Market

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

The Wall Street Journal Building.

'..Saddam Hussein's money stash could pay off the U.S. budget deficit.'

'I've decided to hang in for the long-term. Maybe even all day!'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.

OK, buy! No, wait... sell! No, change that... sell! No... buy! No... sell! Buy!

"Day trading? What's made in a minute is lost in a second."

"Today's emerging markets saw their shadow and reverted to frontier markets for another 6 weeks."

"When I pass away, don't make the announcement until after the closing bell so as not to affect the stock market."

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'