Penny Pusher Gifts

"My wife disposes all of my disposable income."

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

Storm in the out tray

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not talk in art class. I will not in art class. I will not talk in art class.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'As far as clock watching goes, you take the biscuit.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

"I just..."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Bureaucracy gone mad!