Penny Pinchers Gifts

'You the guy who asked for the least expensive generic alternative?'

'We're running over budget. Better board up all the other windows, too.'

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

Gas bar, Full service/Self-serving tightwads

"Managing further cuts to tight budgets is a challenge! So this training will give you a pratical insight into how to 'maximise returns from limited resources'!"

'You pay taxes so I can go to school? Hey, that's where you can save money.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Why do we have to buy a headstone? Couldn't we just engrave something on the back of that one?"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Economic Crisis

"He's worried that the Pandora papers might have something about the £12.50 he's got hidden in his mattress!"

"It's cheaper to buy soap in chunks instead of bars. Just chip off what you need."

Things of the past...

"Sergio, are we having money problems?"

"I had just managed to train my old mare to go without food when she died."

'We're in a recession, you'll grow into it.'

'When you cook up a figure make it an odd number like £321.42, not £300.'

Couple with a piggy bank house

Thrift: Burglars, break into your own house and save on transport costs.

No frills fireworks.

'My car was recalled because of a fault. In my bank account.'

"Gas prices have forced the pastor to economize."

'If we had eaten at home,we would have saved $48.75 and we wouldn't have had to sit on the floor!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."