Penny-pinching Pharmacist Pillows

'The brand name is $57.50 and the generic is $32, but I can give you the placebo for only $14.95'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

Power/Expenditures

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"I think it says 'courgettes'."

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

'Here is the mood elevating medication that your doctor prescribed. The less costly generic version is called chocolate.'

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

MD. Take this prescription to any grandma and get some milk and cookies.

'You can sniff out pet supplies on aisle five.'

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"No, it's not mentioned in the side effects. But you have noticed that it's a full moon tonight, haven't you?"

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

'I've prescribed Anti-Depressants - you'll still be paranoid, but you'll be happily paranoid!'

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

"My goodness, Mr. Merryweather, we certainly did make a boo-boo with that prescription of yours!"

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

'Take 3 tablets 200 times a day.'

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"They won't help you... but what the heck, they won't hurt you either."

Stool Softener

"We thought it would save us money if we bought you the wood, and you made your desk yourself."

'Not exactly what I expected when they announced a random drug screening.'

'...and this one's a freebie from the pharmaceutical company that keeps you addicted to your other medications.'

"Take the green pill to feel hunky, the yellow pill to feel dory."

'THis probably won't work, but we do have medications that will take care of the side effects.'

'Perk up. Just think of all that interest piling up at more than 5% per annum.'

'We had a little trouble mixing your prescription. Can you stop back in 20 minutes?'