Penny-pinching Patient Pillows

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'What can you get with a quarter?'

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

Power/Expenditures

World's cheapest car

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

Handled all of my own investments

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."