Penny-pinching Patient Pillows

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'What can you get with a quarter?'

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

Blowing dust off an order book.

"I don't know...seems like budget cuts have gone pretty far this year."

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

World's cheapest car

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

Power/Expenditures

Handled all of my own investments