Penny-pinching Pro Pillows

'He went into shock when you presented him with the hospital bill.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"I just..."

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

'Margaret, what are we doing on this cruise ship that we couldn't have done at home, cheaper?'

'What can you get with a quarter?'

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

Blowing dust off an order book.

"I'm taking your advice and saving my money!"

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Does your accountant share your enthusiasm for the future...We're fantastically excited about the new project!

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"We're going to have to save some money...and one way is to rewrite the rules on expenses claim."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.