Punning Patient Pillows

'Ophthalmologist'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Hard to follow...'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

Self Raising Flour

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

A Tongue Stud.

"We should have taken a eweber."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Blue Tit Bank.

"Your homocysteine chapel levels are right off the charts."

"I'm hurt too bad...I can't hold on any longer!"

'He's had so many transplants that he's geing featured in next years garden catalog.'

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

Baroque Dance Studio

"During the holidays, we like to refer to organ donation as 'regifting.'"

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

More holiday ICD-10 codes you may encounter...

CLINIC, 'Good news - Those tiny voices I've been hearing are from my pacemaker.'

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

"As for the helium treatments. . . things are lookin' up."

'I need 1000 bucks to tide me over until my ship comes in!'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Wordilly Durdillies - Unidentified frying object

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."