Pencil Collector Gifts

"As soon as he comes around the corner we rub him out ok?"

"Hey, if you have to ask, you can't afford them."

Not blind. Merely a cool pencil salesman. ?

'Sir, sprinkle a little graphite on your cereal every morning... it'll put lead in your pencil.'

"One day I was Mr. Write. Then, she wrote me off, and told me I was no longer #1 in her life, and that I was dull and pointless."

"The recruitment ad has to stress the 'positives', our traditional 'old-fashioned' practices..."

'Men on motorbike with pencil shaped sidecar.'

An H pencil landing on top of an art gallery.

Selfportrait

'I'm sure you'll find having a crossword will help your marriage.'

'Krista, please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.'

Funky Facts:Schools.

"I'm not buying it."

"My dad says this pencil was once used by William Shakespeare." "Is it 2B or not 2B?"

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Bribes for Jabs

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Bingo night.

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Harry?... Is that you?"

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"I need a special pencil for math...one with a lot less wood and a lot more eraser."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

17th Century Anonymous Dutch Paintings Museum: Formerly 'Rembrandt Museum'.

Biro Security

"I've run out of invisible ink..."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."