Pen Paladin T-Shirts

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

Soldier armed with a pen.

The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Freedom of the press

"Be or be not. There is no question."

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Meet the Shameless Self-Promoter 2 PM

'With one stroke of his fibre-tipped pen, Cartoonman laid waste to all that was evil...'

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Facebook/Cambridge Analytica Scandal

'You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take the red whiteboard marker. Give in to your anger.'

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Deadlines, kill fees. Who comes up with these terms?

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

"Can I borrow a pen?"

'Please give me the strength to ask for a raise without my voice breaking into an annoying falsetto and my brow all sweaty.'

Forrest Gander

The sword is mightier than the pen.

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Brain and heart sweep away the negative

List making as therapy.

'Meet the Author'/'Meet the Plagiarist' - An Author and a Plagiarist selling and signing the same book story and title.

Pen mightier than sword.

"It's a darkly comic indictment of my inability to write."

Cartoonist Pencil

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

"Whatever happened to freedom of the press?"

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

'I'm going to use it to write letters to keep our health benefits, son...we veterans have a new battle when we get back.'

"You'd better cool it. Remember what he did to you last time."

Writer Crisis

Mourning Pens