Pen Pal Aficionados Gifts

"But if I don't learn handwriting, how will I be able to read Grandma's letters?"

Have you ever felt like life was a puzzle? What do you mean, boss? Case in point: 1981. At the behest of my bleeding-heart kindergarten teacher, I became pen pals with one Kovarstvo Prestupnik of the Soviet Union. We immediately began a black market export-import business. I would ship him Twinkies dyed red, white and blue, and he's ship me Gummy Stalins. Fast-forward to 2017. Guess who Vladimir Putin just appointed as his Minister of Blackmailing White House Stooges?

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Transylvanian backpackers.

Satya Nutella

Sailor in Car.

Cat says of armadillo, 'It's one of those big armored rats.'

"1-1"

Motorherd

Bangers and Mash

DUNVOTIN

Frank & Ernie's Carrot, Beet, Potato Farm. Lunch break's over --- Shall we return to our roots?

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"I got ninety-nine problems, but a birch ain't one!"

Letter Collecting Nerd

Benjamin Franklin 'If I only knew,'

'I think I have found Mr. Right.'

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Cat Scan

'I said 'Shall I put the cat out?''

No jay walking.

"With strong winds battering the country, the Met Office have issued an amber wig wearers warning."

"Well, my dog cleans himself that way!"

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Litterary Dogs.

"What a coincidence, that's my name, too!"

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

Better Not Squash.

COWS: Cow Pong

You've been sitting on molehills again, haven't you?

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

Shell Fire