Pedantic Philosophers Pillows

"I hate to be that guy, but, technically, Frankenstein is the name of my creator, and I'm Frankenstein's monster."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

In/Out/These Things Happen.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Have you been playing dice?"

Chiller Theatre

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"I'm learning to live with existence."

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

Ten Commandments

"Is this who I am?"

"I cross the road to forget."

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."