Peaceful Partner Gifts

War & Peace

"See how much better our talks go when you keep your trap shut?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Mixed Doubles.

Holding hands

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

Advanced footsie

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

The Young Couple

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

You are simply the Greatest

'It's a silent protest.'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'The answer is still no. I may look like a pushover, but I'm not.'

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

"Wanna play?"

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

I'd climb the highest mountain for you...

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

"You complete me."

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.