Peaceful Partner Gifts

War & Peace

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Mixed Doubles.

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

Holding hands

Advanced footsie

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

The Young Couple

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

You are simply the Greatest

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

'It's a silent protest.'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'The answer is still no. I may look like a pushover, but I'm not.'

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

I love ewe.

"You complete me."

"Wanna play?"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I know this is going to sound completely crazy and off the wall - but do you, by any chance, know how to iron?"

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."